


I’d be lost without you

by socopotactico



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, they’re both idiots but they love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socopotactico/pseuds/socopotactico
Summary: When a fight ends terribly wrong, is there a way to save their relationship?Of course there is, a love that strong can’t be broken up so easily! Could it?
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Kudos: 15





	I’d be lost without you

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii ^^
> 
> Just a fair warning that this wasn’t beta-read so there might be a few mistakes here and there.
> 
> Also I wrote this a long time ago and realized I never posted it (I have so many WIPS, you have no idea how hard it is to keep up with all of them) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, if you feel like it leave a comment <3

What in the world could be important enough to ever make Jackie so mad at her girlfriend? That’s the only question that Jan could ask herself. 

She never did anything wrong. She’s the been nothing but king to her girlfriend! She always gave Jackie all she had. She’d buy her roses of Valentine’s Day, never forgot an important date, and reminded Jackie how much she loved her on a daily basis. 

Jan never looked at other girls, she never thought about anyone else and would politely turn down anyone who’d unintentionally hit on her. She was faithful and loyal, she was affectionate and devoted, she was everything Jackie’s ever dreamed of. 

Jan had a lot of compassion, she’d listen to Jackie’s twisted family stories and always let her know that she’s there for her. She’s also very patient because she knows that her girlfriend had been hurt before and trusting others had always been an issue for her. Jan would always hold Jackie as tight as she could and reassure that she was going nowhere. 

She thought of every possibility, but couldn’t come up with a reason why Jackie could be mad at her. She had been ignoring her calls and leaving her on read for the whole day before Jan decided she had enough of this nonsense. 

She knocked on Jackie’s door, not expecting much, just hoping that she would hear her out. It wasn’t like Jackie to ignore her girlfriend, she’d always be the one sending Jan the most adorable (and cheesy) pick-up lines to make her smile while she was at work. Jan’s colleagues thought that it was foolish, but Jan couldn’t get enough of it.

The door opened, but Jackie closed it right back when she saw Jan was standing there. Thanks to her years in the school’s basketball team, Jan had good reflexes and managed to hold back the door before it closed completely.

“I thought it was the UPS guy,” Jackie said, crossing her arms as Jan pushed the door open all the way to make sure Jackie couldn’t avoid her anymore.

“What did I do to you? Why are you mad at me?” 

What did she do? Right, like she could just pretend it never happen. Jackie knew all about her little affair. Or maybe it was a one night stand, either way. Nicky told her all about it, about how Jan brought some girl back to her place. 

Jackie always trusted Jan. She’d believe every word to come out of her mouth without second-guessing. And there Jackie thought that she was different, but she’s no better than all the girls that had broken Jackie’s heart before. No one ever cared about her, crushing her hearts into tiny pieces every time and leaving her to pick them up one by one. 

Jan was the only one to give her hope that maybe she wasn’t so unlovable. Jan was always telling her how she was the only one for her, and no one could come in between them. But all she ever did was lie, because of course another girl, prettier and smarter could love her better.

Jackie had given her whole heart to Jan, trusted her to protect it and cherish it. She let herself fall into the same pattern, thinking it would end differently. Because Jan was different. But she was just as bad as all of them.

“You can’t fool me, I know all about it. You and miss blonde bitch. Nicky told me you invited her back to your place!” 

“Gigi?” 

“So you admit it. It’s all true?” Jackie felt her heart drop, she didn’t want to believe it. She didn’t want to believe that Jan would ever cheat on her knowing how bad this has hurt Jackie in the past. It’s one thing to fall out of love, but for Jan to cheat on her? 

“She’s a client, Jacks. And I didn’t invite her over, we went for a coffee after my shift. She has a lot to offer our company.” Jan didn’t know how to handle the situation. She couldn’t tell Jackie that none of it was true, she did flirt with Gigi, but only because Gigi did first. She wasn’t attracted to her, Jan really needed that contract, and she just wanted to higher her chances of getting it. 

“Nicky said you were flirting with her.” 

“I had to! She wouldn’t get off my back and I need that contract. It’s got nothing to do with whether or not I like her. And for the record, I couldn’t care less about this snob bitch.” Jan was used to flirting with clients before she started going out with Jackie, most of the opportunities she had been offered were because she flirted her way through it. 

But when things started getting serious with Jackie she stopped completely, and sales had never been lower. She needed this client to sign the contract so Jan could politely talk her way out of a relationship with this said client. This sounded like a perfect plan, and the only reason she didn’t tell Jackie about it is because she knew this is exactly how she’d react.

The last thing Jan wanted was to hurt Jackie’s feelings, and knowing that Jan was flirting with some stranger for her job would only get Jackie paranoid. There was nothing for her to worry about, Jan couldn’t possibly like another girl when she already had the perfect girl all to herself.

"You know I don’t like it when you flirt with other girls.” 

“I didn’t mean to, it’s for my job.” 

That’s all Jan ever said. She’d do anything for this stupid job! Maybe it’s because Jackie never had luck when it came to her career. She had a degree and still worked 40 hours/week at Dairy Queen. Apparently, her only useful skills consisted of flipping blizzards upside down. 

Jan on the other hand had a great job in the office, it paid well, and was a bit more challenging and motivating than making the perfect soft serves cones. Jackie was envious sometimes because Jan was so likeable and pretty, anyone would want to flirt with her, and Jan was bad at saying no.

Sometimes it was a good thing. When Jackie beg for Jan to get on one last rollercoaster ride, she was glad that Jan would never refuse her anything. But when tall, rich, blonde goddesses would ask her out on dates, it was a bit more of an issue. 

“If your job means so much to you, you’ll have plenty of time to bond with your little work-friends. I’m breaking up with you.” Jackie couldn’t think straight, as the words came out of her mouth she had trouble believing she actually did it. 

Of course, she didn’t want to break up with Jan. Jan was everything to her. Jackie was just scared that if she didn’t break things off right now, they might go further and she didn’t want Jan to break her heart. 

“Fine! I don’t need a jealous girlfriend watching my every move anyway!” Jan never expected it to come down to this.

She never expected Jackie to end things, but she should have. Jackie deserves to be treated with kindness and love, Jan would never be good enough for her. 

Jackie closed the door of her apartment, leaving Jan all alone in the empty hallway. She really was left alone. Without Jackie, she wouldn’t be the same. Jackie was the one inspiring Jan to be the best version of herself, to prove to her that she was worthy of her love. 

She had nowhere to go. Her legs weren’t strong enough to carry her home, she didn’t even want to go home. Because she didn’t want to admit that it’s over. She realized just how much Jackie meant to her. She needed Jackie just as much as Jackie needed her. 

Jan let herself rest against the wall, staring at Jackie’s door hoping it would swing open. She let her knees give out and sat down, hiding her face in behind her legs, letting the tears fall down on the fabric of her black ripped jeans. 

She didn’t know how long it would take for her to pick up all the broken pieces of her heart and carry them back home, but she wasn’t ready just yet. 

So she cried, doing her best to stay silent because Jackie had lots of neighbours and the walls were thin. Jan had a small house so she never had to worry about waking up her neighbours. Jackie loved to go over to Jan’s, maybe it had to do with the privacy of living in a house instead of an apartment, but Jan knew that it was more than that. It was a matter of weeks before Jan found the guts to ask her to move in with her. 

Jackie never stopped complaining about her lousy neighbours, and the few times Jan had stayed the night, she understood where it comes from. Seriously who wakes up at 5 AM to a One Direction song as their alarm? Jackie’s next-door neighbour apparently. Even on the weekends.

To know that she would never get to wake up in the middle of the night to “Live while we’re young” was just one of the many reasons why Jan felt the world was crumbling under her feet. 

She would have nowhere to go to seek comfort when insomnia hit again, and no one to get her through family diners with her slightly homophobic sister. Jackie didn’t mind that Jan’s family was insane and judgmental about their relationship because she loved Jan, and she knew how hard it was being in a weird family situation.

Jackie didn’t have a family, Jan was the one she considered closest to being one. Her parents kicked her out at eighteen years old when they found out that she had a secret girlfriend, and she didn’t talk to them ever since. 

Without Jan, Jackie was alone. Jan was her best friend, her soulmate, her one and only true love. She never thought that love could be like this before she met Jan, and now she doubts she’ll ever find someone even half as good. 

There is nobody else that could replace her, Jan was one of a kind. No one can compare. No one can measure up to her. 

For all it’s worth, Jackie would do anything to change the way their last conversation had ended. She didn’t actually want to break up with Jan for a stupid reason such a flirting for her work. It was just hard to see Jan meeting prettier girls, nicer girls, all that Jackie wished she could be. She wasn’t good enough for Jan, and she was just scared that one day, Jan would realize that and end things.

She couldn’t let that happen, because if there was one person worth holding on to, it was Jan. Jackie pushed her ego aside for once, she was going to chase after Jan. If she could get her back, she’d give it a shot, whether it makes her look like a hopeless romantic or a psychotic imbecile. She’d fight for this, because Jan is the best thing she ever got to call hers, and she wasn’t going to give up on her. Never.

It barely took a minute for Jackie to put her raincoat and boots on, grab her set of keys and walk out the door. 

It all turned out to be for nothing when she noticed that Jan hadn’t left the building, and was sitting right in front of her door with streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. 

It hurts Jackie to see Jan hurting, but it also brought up some feelings of her own as Jan looked up to her with red eyes before getting back on her feet.

“I didn’t mean to-“ Jackie starts.

“I’m so sorry.” Jan cut her off. “I should have never flirted with her and I promise you that it won’t happen again.”

“I was the one overreacting. I shouldn’t have broke things off just because I’m jealous.” Jackie let a tear fall down her cheek, grateful that she didn’t put on any makeup earlier that day.

“You had every right to be jealous. Please just consider taking me back, I need you, Jackie.” Jan let their eyes meet and refused to look away. She was known for using her undeniable charm to get what she wanted, but this time it was genuine. 

“I need you too, this was stupid. Let’s forget it ever happened.” Jackie was taken by surprise when Jan slowly nodded in disagreement.

“I won’t forget, because now I know just how miserable I’d be without you.” Jan wiped a tear with her white cashmere sweater, staining the sleeve with mascara but she didn’t care. 

“You get how I feel every time I look at you. You’re too good for me.” Jackie took Jan’s shaky hands in hers and held them close to her heart. “This is your last chance of backing out.”

“I won’t,” Jan said without second-guessing. She knew one thing for sure, she’d never stop loving Jackie. “I’ll stand by your side as long as you want me there.

“Forever?” Jackie asked, making the other girl smile.

“And ever.” 


End file.
